I am rich!! And so are you!

I think I already mentioned that I work in a retirement home. Right now it actually feels like I'm living there... How does somebody who is majoring in education and intends to be a teacher even thinks of working with elderly people in the first place? Well, it wasn't me who had that idea. It was my Mom and I'm so thankful that she talked me into it!! (She had to do a lot of convincing though...) She is a geriatric nurse but didn't start the training until the age of 47. Last year (and just before turning 50), she finished it. She has my respect for going back to school at her age (and succeeding!!) and my affection for giving up her first job (pharmacist) to stay at home and take care of us 4 kids. Yeah... and now she even got me the perfect job!

I started working there in December 2004. Back then, I didn't know it would be the perfect job for me - but God knew and he got my Mom to not let go till I tried it. One thing that is perfect for me is that my working hours are pretty flexible. I choose my classes each semester and then just let my boss know which days I'm available. The even more convenient thing is that although I'm actually only allowed to work (...that means get paid...) 51.25 hours a month, I can work more and they just transfer the amount of hours I worked overtime to the following month. For non-Germans that might sound strange, but in Germany we have so called "400-Euro jobs". You don't pay any taxes as long as you don't get over the 400 Euro per months. Just one Euro more and you'll have less in the end due to taxes. You actually have to work A LOT more until it makes sense. Yeah, so that's why I only get paid the 51.25 hours. My wanderlust is pretty expensive though. I wouldn't be able to afford it with a "normal" job. However, with this job I can work overtime and still get paid when already on the other side of the globe. Since they're always looking for staff and they seem to like me, they're always anxiously waiting for my return. After my first three months in the States, I had to come home for visa stuff. Two days after I got off the plane, I was back at work. Within the 2 months I had to stay at home waiting for an interview at the embassy, I worked for 4 months. Next week, I'll start working for April... that's why it feels like I'm living there =)

Well... initially I didn't want to talk about money. It's just one part of my "perfect job". Right now it's a pretty important one because flights, insurance, university... for and in Bolivia cost quite a bit, but I actually wanted to write about what working with elderly people has taught me. I guess I'll put that off for tomorrow though and stick to "materialistic blessings" for today.

What amazes me about God is that he provides us with so much more than we need. We've never been a rich family. At least not in the European/American sense and in my perception. I haven't felt poor either, but when I was about 15, I wanted to go to a Christian boarding academy but we couldn't afford it. I envied classmates that went abroad for a year and so I kind of formed my own definition for "rich people": they have their own house, at least two cars and can send their kids to private academies and abroad. 2002, we moved... into a lovely house next to the woods. 2003, I went to Bolivia for the first time and didn't pay a cent for it. My church even gave me some money so I was able to buy a suitcase, get the vaccinations I needed and donate the rest of the money in Bolivia. In 2004, we got a second car when my Mom started the training and then my little sister got accepted at that very same academy I had wanted to attend (well, she had the advantage of 3 older sibling that could help sponsor her...). This year she'll graduate.

I guess I was wrong. We WERE rich!!! Pretty rich! I just had not seen it before... Two mission trips to Bolivia I didn't pay for followed in 2004 and 2005. In 2006 and 2007, God gave me the means to pay for the mission trips myself. I was even able to pay my little sister a flight to come and visit me in West Virginia. One lesson Bolivia tought me is that you're rich when you're able to give. That first time there, I gave away an amount of money I had never donated before. I had just graduated and was a "poor student", but God had given me the money and showed me that there were people who needed it at lot more than I. It was the first time in my life that I felt INCREDIBLY wealthy - to the point that I was ashamed of not having felt that way before. Another lesson God has been trying to teach me since I was a teenager, is to tell him my wishes, but to trust his timetable. I was planning to go to the States for a year when I was 17 - didn't work. I was about to go to Venezuela as a volunteer after I gratuated - God sent me to Austria last minute (how boring! they speak German!!!). Looking back, I can understand better why and I really appreciate God's guidance. And he didn't ignore my wishes. When I surrendered my plans to him and agreed to Austria, he gave me Bolivia (while I was in Austria).

So whatever your wishes are: tell God. If you don't have the money to realize them? Tell him, too. He wants you to talk to him. And then trust his guidance. It might be a "yes", "wait" or "no". He might find a sponsor for you for that mission trip you want to go on or he might give you the right job a year before you even know that you need it - or he might give you something better... later. He doesn't make mistakes. It's just a lot easier to admit that he was right after everything turned out good (and that can take YEARS sometimes). I'm still learning. And I'm glad God didn't give up on me yet!

Have a good night!
maria

(pic: Rurrenabaque,Bolivia 2006; kids at the orphanage we started building houses for)

Cazy day and Bolivia update

I know, I should be either in bed or preparing my next exam but I have to tell you something (...or two things... or three...) really quick. Actually it might take more than just 5 lines and to be honest... I don't care :) I'll be able to sleep on Feb 13 in the plane =)

Yeah, today was kind of a crazy day. I had to work late shift yesterday and didn't come home till 9pm. This morning, I had to get up at 5.30am since I had early shift. The only problem: right after work, I had an exam that I didn't really have time to prepare for since I also had a lecture on Friday. Well, I studied yesterday morning and studied... more than half of the night. I know it's not too healthy but I at least got 2 hours of sleep. I actually got up at 5am, went through the "getting-ready-rountine" - and there's something strange I've realized lately: early shift is good for my morning worship. Somehow it might be that when I have to get up early, it feels like I don't have too much time and getting ready only takes minutes instead of half an hour. So I had my little worship, got all my papers together, put some new music and sermons on my mp3-player and left the house to catch the bus.

I don't know what happened, but on the first corner I felt like I just HAD TO JUMP. I don't mean like jumping once - no, bouncing down the street like a little child with too much energy. Some song from Jaci Velasquez in my ears, I started skipping in the middle of the road. (I was glad it was dark and early so nobody saw me and called the ambulance or police...) I just felt like the happiest girl on earth without a particular reason. I don't know, God just gave me that great mood on a day that could really use it. At the bus stop, I chose more quiet music so I wouldn't wake up my fellow early birds that looked like still half alseep. When I got off the bus, I started humming and I didn't stop till I got to the nurses' station. I was first and my "boss" (= responsible collegue) asked me who I would like to take care of today and so I got to choose. Around 10am, my Mom called and said she would come earlier and take one hour of my shift so that I wouldn't have to run to be on time for my exam (we're working in the same retirement home and she has late shift today). Thanks to my Mom, I got to take a train earlier and I sat down with my papers and Spanish dictionary.

A guy sitting just across asked me if I was taking a Spanish translation exam today. We happened to be in the same course, but he had missed the class last week due to sickness. So I gave him the texts we had gotten last Monday (in preparation for the exam) with my personal translations and once in a while we changed papers. The exam was EXACTLY that terrible text that costed me my sleep last night. When that guy saw the text, he just looked at me with this "THANK YOU SO MUCH" smile and I was so happy that I had been able to help somebody out. When I was done with the exam, I almost jumped out of the building and arrived at my Portuguese class with such a big smile that it would have been enough for ten. As soon as I sat down tiredness kicked in though, but the upcoming exam of that course kept me awake. On my way back home, I listened to a message given by Bill Walker (Chestnut Ridge Church). Nothing too theological, but pretty practical and stuff that somehow sticks to your brain and heart (that are two things I like about the Chestnut Ridge Church messages).

Well... the best part is still to come :) At home I checked my emails and had 3 answers to 3 mails I only wrote yesterday. First email: I can stay without a student visa at the University in Cochabamba (I won't be an "official student", but they'll arrange something for me so I can improve my Spanish on an academic level anyways). Second mail: my friends in Argentina said I can come in May, visit them and they suggested that I should use them as a "base camp" for travelling around the country a little bit (I need to leave Bolivia after 3 months and re-enter as a tourist and I wanted to combine that with getting to know other contries in South America besides Bolivia). Third mail: I asked "L'ESPERANCE"-orphanages if I could volunteer at their facility close to Cochabamba for 2 months (June/July) and it'll be most likely a "yes" (it only has to go through the official process). Looks like a schedule for 6 months Bolivia to me =) THANK YOU LORD!!!

Alright then. I don't want to say too much more. I guess I'll still study a little bit and head off to bed a little earlier tonight (...) since I'll have early shift tomorrow again. Just one more thing: I'm amazed about today. Yesterday, it looked like it would be a pretty stressful and not so great day, but God gave me one of the best days I've had in a while. It was just great. One blessing after the other. I know, not every day looks like that, but give God the chance to make you jump each day. Especially on the stressful ones. (You know, exercise kills off stress hormones!) God loves you. He forgave you all the stupid stuff you did. He cares for you and gave you the power to do right. That's enough reason to whistle and smile (and not to worry what others could think about you odd fish...;) Give it a try. Sing a song or jump around. Make faces or hug the old lady next to you on the train. You might be even older than 25... Who cares?

May God put His joy into your heart.
Love,
maria

(pic: me, my little sis and one of the kids at the scout camp my two sisters and I were cooking for in 2005, Austria)

Broken connection

Our internet loves to quit from time to time. Since I came back from the States last April, it got into the habit of taking some time off on a more or less monthly basis. Somehow, nobody really seems to know why. This time, it even managed to persuade the telephone system to join and together they refused to work again until a nice guy came over and gently touched and talked to all the boxes and cords for about an hour (no, he could neither answer my question about what had been wrong nor about why it was working again...). So yeah, we were almost without connection to the rest of the world for 3 days. If it would have been just me, I really would have been whithout any connection. Well, I would have had a reason to visit my neighbors :) but my parents and my sister are more up-to-date than I and so we were able to call my brother with the cell.

I can't imagine that we didn't even have a phone when I was in elementary. No word about cell phones or computers. At least not as a Christian citizen who -obviously- was not in the communist party (former East Germany). Crazy how fast things change. And crazy how much we depend on phone, internet and cell. It was funny (...well, actually it wasn't...): When I realized that the internet wasn't working anymore, I asked my Dad to call the company. When he tried to, we realized that the phone had let us down, too, so my Dad called my brother and he called the "phone guys". They told him that we should take that one box to a service point and get a new one instead (...didn't make a difference by the way...) No problem, I said. I'll just check when they're... oh no! No checking of opening hours without internet... I don't know how often I wanted to use the internet but stopped in the middle of the thought or sentence because I realized it wouldn't work. No online-dictionary, no e-mails, no way of checking that term I didn't know. Why? No connection!

Sometimes the same thing happens with me and God. Unfortunately not exactly the same. If it was exactly the same, it would mean that I put all my efforts into rebuilding that connection once I realized it wasn't working. That's not the case. At least it hasn't always been in the past, but there is something else about this connection story: the more you use it, the faster you realize that it's defective. And that refers to internet, phone and cell phone as well as God. Cell phone? I don't care about it since I've never had one and don't miss it. Phone? Well, I probably wouldn't realize that it was broken very fast. Sometimes I go a week or even longer without calling anybody. Internet? No day at home without it. It's my means of communication. Skype, e-mails, facebook, MySpace... And where is God on that scale? For me, somewhere between phone and internet I guess. The problem is that you can get used to not having something anymore, too. However, I know my life as a Christian without a connection to God is a farce. It unfortunatelly has been one more than once. Theoretically, there's nothing else I long for more than a closer and closer relationship with Him. The internet story tought me though that the difference between God and the internet is about how much effort I put into fixing the problem. Crawling under dusty desks to find out which cord goes where, getting up an hour earlier to go to the service point, reading instruction manuals (I'm a "try it first" person... normaly no reading of that stuff)...

It's about time I put the same effort into rebuilding the connection to God when the line is getting bad or even disconnected. I once more realized that my goal for this year is the right one for me. I'll continue working on it and I'm happy for the time-out I'll get in Bolivia. No obligations and just one task: improving my Spanish. It's really up to me what I do with these 6 months. I pray that God will help me not to get caught up in rushing from one event to the next appointment (I'm excellent at getting involved and busy...). I'm also looking forward to (a lot) less internet and more personal interaction. Bad for you but good for me :) May it benefit my connection with God, too!

I wish you a quiet and blessed weekend.
maria

PS: I just read in a blog of a friend (one I've actually never met - at least not yet - but I like his blog) about an interesting way of strengthening your relationship with your heavenly friend. Wilderness experience. Just nature, God, I and silence. If there's no connection then that might be PRETTY silent! Scary thought but I hope I'll get the chance to do something like that one day. I have already been looking for opportunies for a while but in Germany it's hardly possible. Bolivia wouldn't be bad, Norway would work, too, but the other problem are family and friends who wouldn't be able to sleep of fear that something might happen to me... Let's see. Oh yeah... and if you wanna read for youself: Billy's blog or under the weBLOG section on Chestnut Ridge Church. Entry of today - more coming, I guess, after his return.

(pic: Morning in New Mexico and favourite pic of my almost coast-to-coast road trip with David a year ago)

I miss my fly!!!!

Today I came home from university and I waited for my fly to show up - but it didn't. I miss my fly!!

Well... maybe I should start with that super-sunny weather yesterday. I love snow but I don't like the cold and definitely dislike the short days, especially when they're also grey and rainy. I can't imagine that God ever intended it too bee like that. In fact I'm sure he didn't. In winter I'm actually waiting for 2 things: snow and spring. I love this picture because it combines both. I took it in our little garden in February 2006, just before I left for the States. This winter, we didn't really have snow yet, but I won't complain since I got my 5 snowflakes in supposedly good cold Germany on December 26th as a belated Christmas gift from above. Instead of snow, we already have the flowers out :) Yeah, and yesterday we had just great weather. I left my balcony door open so I could hear the wind and the birds outside. I crawled into my fleece sleeping bag, did my Portuguese homework on the couch and even thought about jumping into my hammock (yeah, the one in my profile pic), but I feared I would fall asleep in there. And then, all of a sudden, I had this fly buzzing around my head. Hey, the first fly of 2008!!! Spring isn't that far anymore! It seemed to follow me the rest of the day. Couch, desk, computer... it was always there. At some point it started to annoy me and I got my fly swat out, but somehow I just couldn't kill that poor fly. I mean I guess it was as happy about the great weather as I was. How could I punish that fly for enjoying the first really sunny day of 2008?

I know. Sometimes I have strange thoughts.
Today the weather wasn't that great. No sun. Thick clouds. And wind. So when I came home, I hoped my fly would greet me but it didn't. It had disappeared just like the sun and I actually was a little bit sad about it. It suddenly felt like it was - again - a long way to go till spring.
If I would have to pick a favourite season it definitely would be spring. I love the colors of fall, the snow in winter and the warm evenings in summer but spring is just the best. Everything is starting to live again. The forrest behind our house is turning from brownish-grey to green, the big cherry tree in front of my balcony is loaded with white blossoms, I get my bike out of the garage and can forget about that crazy bus schedule and the daysies start covering our lawn like a carpet. I love it! It amazes me how God created nature. Everything seems to die in fall - but there's still some live in that cherry tree!

Well, I could squeeze a hundred of "moral" lessons in that "fly-story" but I don't want to put more in it than there was to it when I was mourning about my fly. Sometimes it amazes me though how little things can be that either ruin or make our day. A rude comment, that not given encouragement, a broken cup, an annoying fly or a genuine hug, that prayer on the phone, 5 snow flakes and... a "spring fly" :) Yeah, sometimes it might be the very same thing that lets you smile at one point, but frustrates you even more some other day. There are people who are experts at that... We tend to call them difficult. And now I'm moralizing without initially wanting to, but maybe you can be a "spring fly" for somebody today. Or tomorrow if it's already too late. I want to challenge you and myself to not just buzz around your best friends. Try that "difficult jerk", too. He or she might get out her fly swat but if you ask God for help, he'll show you a way how to get through to that person, too.

Happy buzzing!
maria

Trust (part II)

In my last blog, I was reflecting a little bit about trust. When I got up the next morning, I found a message in my facebook inbox from a friend who is living in Austria. I met him last year in November at a Youth Congress here in Germany. We sat next to each other in a workshop and talked a little bit. He had just arrived in Austria and didn't speak German yet, but we nevertheless shared some thoughts during the break, switching back and forth between English and Spanish. With this facebook message, he sent me a link to his testimony. Since I like stories (in general) and especially stories about how God leads people to find Him, I just hit the "play" button and listened to his testimony while putting stuff away, cutting my nails short enough for work (retirement home) and getting ready to leave. Wow. Amazing story! Can you imagine that somebody finds Jesus just because he is interested in literature and "has" to read the book "Job", simply because it is the only piece of literature on a "most famous poetry"-list that he doesn't know yet? It's truly an amazing story about God's love to each one of us. He cares and it doesn't matter if we don't care about Him yet. If you have some minutes to spare or some little jobs to do where you don't need your brain that much, I encourage you to listened to it. It's in English with German translation. Here you go: Rolando's testimony. Or you can read it in the North Atlantic Union Magazine in the December 2007 edition (pages 10 and 11).

Well... but what does that have to do with trust?
Rolando said one sentence that caught my special attention in my current situation. "The more I trust Him, the happier I am." It is so true but sometimes it's so hard to put into action! And the problem is - you have to try it yourself to experience it. You have to let go. You have to jump to enjoy skydiving! Almost every time I think about "trust", I remember my first time (indoor) rock climbing. I was visiting some friends in Carinthia/Austria and one of them talked me into trying "climbing up walls". Well, getting up that wall for bloody beginners wasn't that hard (you could almost WALK up there), but then he told me to stand on top of that thing with my back to him and the abyss and to lean backwards until I would overbalance. "I CAN'T DO THAT!" I screamed down. "You can!!" he screamed up. "Let me come down like I got up here!" "Come on! Try it. Don't you trust me?" Of course I trusted him... well.. did I??? It took me 2 unsuccessfull attempts to finally just fall into the rope. There was that quarter of a second when I wanted to scream, but after that, "falling into the rope" was actually fun. Hey, there was a person down there that I could trust... trust my life! A reassuring experience.

In his testimony, Rolando also quoted Proverbs 3:5+6. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." (New International Version) I don't know for how many years I've already known that verse by heart. 18? Or even 20? Not sure but definitely a lot of years. Why do I often still feel like kicking and screaming when it comes to trusting God 100%? Maybe it's because I already went rock-climbing with Him, but I didn't try skydiving or bungee jumping yet. I feel like I'm trusting God, but when push comes to shove, I realize that I don't feel comfortable trusting him in THIS area. God loves to push us beyond our limits though and I actually love it, too... at least afterwards...

Is there anything that holds you back from trusting your heavenly Daddy (for that's what he is) in that particular area? I feel a lot more peace since I gave that Bolivia story completely to him. I'm still waiting for an answer from the university, but I'm not going nuts anymore. And amazingly enough, Rolando's testimony came just the morning after I had felt sick to my stomach about that uncertainty again. God is faithful. I know that this won't be my last "trust issue" with Him, but I hope that next time I'll just read my own blog and jump!

Didn't give trusting him a try yet? I'll encourage you to let go. Dare to jump and you'll have a story to tell. My one will continue. I hope yours, too.

Blessings,
maria

PS: Thanks Andy for the pic (May? 2003)... and making me fall into the rope.

Bolivia and trusting God

Another reason for starting a blog (besides that "Give it a try-story") is my upcoming 6-months trip to Bolivia. I thought a blog might be a convenient tool to keep people updated on my joys and trials in that beautiful country.
My plane is taking off Feb 13 at 10.30pm (Central European Time) and I can't wait to go on board, sit down and just relax. The only problem: I still don't know exactly what I'll be doing there... I know it sounds crazy. Less than 4 weeks left and still no real plan of action... Well, it's not that I don't have ANY clue, but somehow stuff went wrong with the e-mails I wrote to several people at the Adventist university in Cochabamba (UAB). I've been almost going crazy, searching the internet for ways to get a hold of a person in charge - and no responses! I mean last year in August, I was told by a friend who had talked to the vice director of the university that I could come and just take the courses I would like to take (being education stuff, Greek and/or Hebrew). So far so good. But how to apply for a student visa without a document of confirmation from a university or school? Yesterday, I finally got an e-mail from sombody who kind of is in charge, but he told me that one thing I needed was a student visa... Great... 3.5 weeks left (including 6 finals just before I'll leave). Letters from Bolivia take at least a week... WOW... I felt my stomach turning upside down when I read the e-mail. So close... I just wrote him back and now I have to wait...

Going to UAB has been a dream of mine ever since I went there on a mission trip in 2005. It was my third time being in Bolivia and I had already fallen in love with the country and its people. I was about to add "Spanish" as a minor to my 2 majors (English and maths) so I knew I would have to improve my Spanish someday somehow somewhere. After staying on the UAB campus for 2 weeks, I knew what MY choice would be.
BUT... was it God's choice, too? I still don't know. In the process of fullfilling another dream (2006/2007, working as a dorm staff and teacher at Miracle Meadows School in West Virginia, a school for "at-risk youth"), I got introduced to 2 other projects in Bolivia besides the ones I already knew. Circumstances led to a change of my plan of action but when these circumstances changed back to "original", my plan did, too. Well... and now I'm waiting and trying my best not to go nuts.

It's SO hard to REALLY trust God sometimes. I mean even if it means that you might have to give up one of your dreams! To be honest - I couldn't give everything concerning Bolivia to God for quite a while. What if he wanted me in the jungle at a project run by Americans? I don't wanna have any Americans around me in Bolivia! I wanna be forced to speak Spanish day in day out!! I desperately need to improve in order to pass the advanced Spanish courses when I come back! What if God forgets about that...? (Stupid worry... I know...) I finally made the decision to trust. 100%. It's hard but I guess it's worth the trouble. Sometimes it means redeciding 5 times within an hour. That's where I'm at right now. I hope I'll improve but it's already turning into curiosity sometimes.

Yep. That's what I actually wanna be: just curious about where God is leading!

To be continued...
maria

(pic: Bolivian natural flag; Cochabamba/Bolivia, April 2005)

Goal for 2008

I'm not a person of New Year's Resolutions. I've done them (seriously) once or twice but the only thing that I was able to turn into a habit as a result of them, was tidying up my room on a more regular basis. It's not a bad result though. Most people wouldn't believe me if I told them I was PRETTY messy. Well, just ask my Mom. I almost drove her crazy when I was a teenager. I mean I was ABLE to be organized when I CHOSE to be... but what for? I knew where my stuff was and nobody else had to know!! I think it was 2004 when I started the "becoming all tidy, disciplined and organized"-project. The organization and discipline part didn't work out the way I wished it to... but my room looks a lot better now!

So this year I'll try something different. (Yeah, I'll give it a try... lol.) I've formulated a main goal. One area I want to focus on, to work for and to grow in. Not just a habit but something were there is no limit to improvement. I want to "stay connected with God".
By this, I do not only mean a 5-min morning and evening devotion - I want to have Him as my invisible companion thoughout the whole day. I'm longing for radical and life transforming community and not just "a casual brush with a dusty old book" (David Asscherick). I wanna use all the resources I have to make Him the center of my daily life; my flash cards with bible verses when I'm waiting for the bus, sermons and songs on my mp3-player when I'm jogging or biking, my mini-bible when I'm in the plane or train... I don't understand this as a kind of a "sport" or just another way of "fixing my Christian outside appearance" but I've experienced "phases" like that before and they've been the most joyful times in my life. Last week, I listened to (the 4 available messages of) the "Beyond the Wall" series twice (Chestnut Ridge Church) . In the evenings I automatically grabbed my bible to read the book of Nehemiah and during the day I caught myself praying for my friends in the different parts of the States while staring at a map of the USA on the wall in class. I don't want to start not paying attention in class... =), but...

...I want things like talking to and about God, asking for his will, enjoying "holy" stuff (sounds so terribly pious...) become natural to me. THAT'S my focus for 2008. I only figured out that the input is incredibly important for the output and that it's easier to deal with feeding my brain the right stuff than to only struggle with correcting the output (= frustrating mission impossible). Yeah... so I guess I'll go ahead and just let you know once in a while how that experiment is progressing!

I wish you a still fairly new blessed 2008!
maria

(pic: Looking forward, looking ahead; Bolivia, April 2005)

Give it a try...!

Well... that's one of my mottos and it's why I finally got a blog. If it works? Don't know. If it makes sense? Don't know that either, but nowadays it just feels like you have to have a blog... or at least you should have tried it once. It's a nice tool to share thoughts though and to keep people up to date when touring around the globe (= one of my favourite hobbies), but don't expect too much. I'm not a witty or extraordinarily gifted writer (although I love formulating thoughts in a written way), I might not be a very faithful blogger either and English is not my mother tongue. So don't get frustrated with my grammer or me maybe switching between German, English and Spanish in the future. You're always welcome to leave a comment though.

I hope you'll be blessed!
maria